Forever is a lie.

HAPPINESS, WHERE TO FIND?

2012-02-13T11:58:00.001+08:00

I want to be a kid, just so to be able to get happiness, without going through so much pain.
Isn't love supposed to let one be happy.
Then why is loving someone so painful for me.
Must have sinned in my previous life to deserve this.

From where I stand now, it just seems like I'll be getting nowhere, nowhere any time soon.
So if you once had that happiness that love have brought for you, treasure it.
Don't let it slip away.

Then again, if you haven't had that happiness, it's all up to you to wait.
Anyway, life is a waiting game, ain't it?

IF ONLY.

2012-02-10T14:24:00.000+08:00

All I want is you...

What would happen if you want me too?

***

All this shall stop here.

Hope you'll have a blast this very day.

I WANT A COMPANION.

2012-02-07T23:42:00.001+08:00

Met a few pet dogs over the past few months while visiting some homes.

Pet dogs are just too cute.

And it's like they'll be there for you, to lick your tears, snuggle with you, to let you rant to.

It'll be great to have a pet dog as a companion.

But mum will never allow that to happen.

The amount of hate she have towards dogs, terrible. Hahaha.

Oh well.

edited/

Haven't been doing any productive study yet since last week.
Pedi and date at town with mum this afternoon got me all relaxed.
I should prolly start some serious shit tml.

***

"I thought you were sweet too. But it was way back then..."
"Things changed, pretty fast, didn't they?"

Someone told me, "Stop looking, stop looking back, you'll get hurt while moving on."
"It'll get you no where. No where."

***

"They say the only way to conquer your fear is face what you fear the most. You must walk into the belly of the beast. And risk the possibility of failure. But try to hide from your fear, and you risk it swallowing you whole."

I have to face you, I have to conquer my fear.
But I'm slowly drowning in this deep dark endless hole...

ARE YOU DISAPPEARING?

2012-02-02T20:36:00.000+08:00

Today marks the end of all the projects we've been rushing for.
Cleared all of them, and I swear, nothing feels better than this.

Now that I am done with all the stress for projects, it's time to sit down and mug for AM & SCM papers.
Determined to do better for these two papers this time round.

I hope I won't get distracted along the way again.

OH,
Finally had a chance to try Buffet Town with the classmates two days back.
We went to celebrate Michelle Lim's birthday.
Another sweetie turned 19! :) Welcome to the club!

LOOK WE'RE ALL SO HAPPY!

YUSHENG #1

YUSHENG #2

YUSHENG #3

Had such a quality time with the classmates.
I like to dine with them, cheerful bunch of people.
Then we kinda "surprised" the birthday girl with the earpiece she handpicked at HMV.
Got Yehua to "steal" it away from her to pay before she went to pay it on her own.
A small gift from us can make her so happy.
Heartwarming to see her smile so happily :)

Pretty goodie bags!! <3

She even wrote a personal message for each of us!
Sweet sweet girl!

So this sweet girl even went to prepare goodie bags to thank us.
She's such a sweetie srsly.
Havent receive goodie bags for a very long time, made me feel like a kid all over again.
<3

***

The lack of sleep these few days is just so frustrating.
Can't seem to sleep at the time when my body is tired, insomnia they call it.
It's like when I say I'm going to bed, I lie in bed, toss and turn, for a good 2 hours before I really tune in to sleep.
With that, I'm only left with 3 hours of sleep before the whole routine starts all over again.
This is taking a toll on my body.
I swear one day I might just fall flat and die or something.

Only turning 20 this year and I'm weak as hell.
Sigh.

***

I wish you weren’t in my dreams.
;(

BRING ME UP.

2012-02-01T14:57:00.001+08:00

Expose your heart and it'll get cold.
Keep it warm and safe.

YOU MAKE ME FEEL.

2012-01-30T17:07:00.001+08:00

Precious moments.

Monday blues?
I feel so down when I went to school, then felt high when we had Mac breakfast, then silly all over again when I bus-ed back home.

Results of not having ample amount of sleep.
Verbal diarrhea non stop ever since ytd night till this afternoon.
But yesterday was just plain awesome.

My fav girls. <3

Crazy Gang!!!

I look like the only colorful on here. :X

Beckyyyyy!

Crazy Gang @ Yixi's crib #1!

Crazy Gang @ Yixi's crib #2!

The Crazy Gang's CNY tradition never die.
We talked so much and didn't wanna go home at all.
Despite having projects and presentations due the next day... hahahahahaha...
Reminiscing the good old times.
I'm so glad to have them, close enough for me to fall back when I need them.
Silly as it sounds, we did so many stupid things when in sec school.
Now that we're all matured, all of that just seemed so funny.
I'll do anything to bring back those days.

***

I'm slowly becoming like you.

I'm slowly getting immune, shutting all doors.
No one, I will open up to no one.

And surprisingly, life's pretty good this way.

BEST FRIENDS NEVER LEAVE.

2012-01-30T00:23:00.001+08:00

Had one of the best day today.
Shall blog tml.

Sleeping with a smile... :)

DISAPPOINTED.

2012-01-27T00:05:00.000+08:00

You guys are all the same.

Today, something happened that proved the saying of, "Guys are all the same."
I didn't wish to stereotype.
But, this jerk kinda forced us to.

They're all the same.

I give up.
Entirely.

NEVER GIVE UP ON THE ONE YOU LOVE?

2012-01-25T23:17:00.000+08:00

Time to smile.

Just watched GG's epi 12.
& I have no idea why the quote, "Never give up on the one you love.", is lingering around on my mind.

There's no more comfy shoulders for you to lie on Van.
So stop it.

I'm actually very glad IL ended today.
It's like as if I've unloaded this burden on my shoulders.
Ever since last year till now.
Never felt like this before.
Once again, you're the cause of something I've never come across, again.
It's always you.

GG never fail to make me realize how human are filled with many many different stories.
But who are willing to listen to these stories?

In UR class today, Sunita was sharing, human beings do one thing and act another.
What we say always contradicts with how we are behaving.
It's the verbal and visual issues we're having difficulties with.
But then again, if we really act according to how we feel all the time, won't life be plain boring?

UR on a Wednesday morning then GG in the night.
A little too much for me handle this evening.
Alongside with this song #stuckinmyhead - "Better Than I Know Myself "- Adam Lambert.

***

I really need you near me.
To keep my mind off the edge...

If I wanted to leave.
I would've leave by now...

But you're the only one that knows me,
Better than I know myself...

龙年行大运!!

2012-01-24T22:19:00.003+08:00

A&F shirt so comfy omg.
I WANT MORE.

2nd day of CNY today, and I just rushed my UR 800 words report.

Have yet to prepare the slides for THE LAST DAY OF IL TML.

HOMG, YOU WILL NEVER UNDS HOW HAPPY I AM.

CANT.FREAKING.WAIT.FOR.TML.TO.COME.

After 3pm tml, I won't get to see your face anymore.

So much changed, imagine one year ago, this date, the only one I wanted to see was you.

Now, it's the complete opposite.

I don't even know to laugh or cry.

Likea rainbow likea rainbow~

Mummy made this super yummy louhei!

Me and crazy Kathlyn who cannot stop reminding me that she's 11 and she's only 5cm shorter than me. -.-

All the pretty cousins!
Including myself. *thick skinned*

These two "uncles" got photo bombed by Kathlyn!

Huat ah!

All the hues of red and orange!

Mummy preparing for us to louhei at 4:48 pm!
事事发!!!

Hehehe, pretty us, again!

Look at the mess!

With Felicia, the tall and young cousin! #1

#2!

Godmum's Chanel, I can't resist, must carry and camwhore.
CAN I HAVE THAT FOR MY 21ST? PRETTY PLS?!

Chloe! My cutesy niece!
She's another princess!

Anywayssss, first day of CNY was just as boring as any other days.

But I get to see my cousins, and that is more than enough. :D

Let the photos do the talking!

edited-

Finally back from 2nd day of visiting!

I feel so dressed down today.

Simple dress with pumps and vintage denim jacket.

CNY break's just over like that.

Back to serious work tml!

UR report done, but I'm so freaking lazy to print it urgh.

Only 2 days of visiting and I'm feeling so fat alrdy.

Shld go and swim tml after IL. (Y)

I can't wait for this friday to come!

Meeting my beloved Robindaughters for reunion dinner and pubbing.

Gonna take a chill pill on a Friday night!

Busy week but I'm doing just fine. :)

***

They say new year, new hope.

Yea, indeed.

I hope for a better me.

Hope for a better you, too.

MY BOTTLE OF HAPPY PILLS.

2012-01-21T00:29:00.002+08:00

No pictures for this evening, but I'm so glad for the impromptu meet up with the crazy gang.
I've never laughed so much on a Friday night.
I was still reluctant to travel all the way to town on a rainy Friday.
Hehehe, no regrets! :)
You crazy people ended my week well.
Shopping, shopping, shopping with them was just fun, I didn't get anything but I enjoyed the company. <3

So glad to have such supportive friends.
It's like we like to mock and disturb each other so much all the time, but it just brings us closer.

Louhei tog with a bunch of loverly folks. :)

Hope the same bunch of us can get together again this upcoming visiting.

Can't wait for our yearly CNY visiting next week, the only part of CNY that I'm pretty excited for.
I love it that we have this tradition to go visiting every CNY :)
And plus now that the guys can drive, that just means, I CAN WEAR MY KILLER HEELS AND DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT WALKING LONG DISTANCES!! :D
CANT WAIT CANT WAIT CANT WAIT!

***

Going to pray grandma tml.
I've been missing her quite a bit.
Occasional flashbacks of her still happen every now and then.
But now when I think about her, I smile...

Dear Grandma,

I've got so much to tell you.
So much that happened since you left us.
Miss you quite terribly.
But I know I must independent and strong.
That's what you've taught me, that I'll never forget.
I hope you're doing fine over there.
Cause I wanna let you know I'm doing well too...
I love you, Grandma, my best friend.

Love,
Ah Girl. <3

***

All ready for a long weekend before all the slogging starts again!

*P.S Please remember, VAN, YOU CANNOT TOUCH ANY CNY GOODIES THIS YEAR!!!! TIME TO SHED SOME WEIGHT. GET THOSE RUNNING SHOES AND START RUNNING. Oh a reminder to myself, chio running shoes to motivate me to run. hehehehehehe. OKAYCAN.

IT'S LIKE A STAIN.

2012-01-19T20:01:00.001+08:00

I need crimson lips.

I know I'm super late with this "2012" shades.

Meant to wear it for the countdown party but jet lagged me totally forgot to bring it out.

So I only had chance to play with it today. HEHEHE.

Super cute!

Almost done with the week!

One more Friday and it's CNY week.

Not rlly looking forward to CNY actually.
The thought of all the presentations and tests due once the break it over, ZOMG.
One more sem and it's internship. I.CANT.WAIT. *Neck stretches all the way until I become a giraffe*

Packed and planned my holidays alrdy.
This holiday, I'm gonna make sure I clear all my driving and book my TP asap.
& I'm gonna try to work more often. *Singing to a&f playlist on loop for like 801840357430224 times*
Need to "refill" my bank acct, been spending wayyyyyy too much.
Oh yes, end feb end feb is coming. *hint hint hint*
Shall plan my night out on the last day of paper! :)

***

Will you understand if I told you how I exactly felt?
From the bottom of my heart, I really wish you all the best, and please, don't come back anymore.
I'm afraid if you do, I won't be able to let go completely.

You chose to leave, so don't come running back.

VAN GIVES FREE HUGS, ANYONE?

2012-01-18T23:39:00.000+08:00

In the mood to give a real tight hug to all those who needs one right now.
Everything's gonna be alright.

Tomorrow will be a better day :)

If I could, I would, hug you again...
But this time, I'm not letting you go.

UNCERTAINTY IN ME.

2012-01-18T00:24:00.001+08:00

I miss my sissy.
Miss all my girls.
I miss spending time with them over at FEP.
Be it impromptu shopping spree, breakfast/lunch/dinner dates or mani/pedi sessions.
That's when we always have quality time together.

Been so crazily slogging for projs and meeting those goddamn submissions.
Plus working at a&f.
I haven't felt so tired before.
I've been coming back home pretty late, this just shows how busy I've been.

Good to be busy.
Good to keep myself occupied.
Good to... fall sick at the wrong time.

It's not even CNY and I'm alrdy sick.
How weak can I get?
This is ridiculous.
How many times am I gonna fall sick?
I should rlly draft a quota for myself.
"Number of times you can fall sick for 2012: 0/10"

Tryna get my IL done.
This is going nowhere, since, idk when.
I srsly can't wait for the day IL ends.
LIKE OFFICIALLY.
So I don't have to spend that very "special" Wednesday with him.
Oh well.

Had my XLB cravings today.
I'm turning into a fat ass.
Image crisis, again.
Working at a&f rlly makes me feel so ugly.
I am ugly. Point a gun to my head and just kill me.

UR class tml.
I swear the report was like one of the easiest report ever.
It's like blogging to me.
I just poured all my thoughts into them.
Let's hope the lecturer won't judge my thoughts and emotions like how others do.

***

At least there's something to lose.
I'd rather something to lose than staying here and not moving one bit.
#justsaying

***

I daringly say that, I'm a risk taker in such cases.
Silly but yes, I'm all out to risk this heart.

But then again, I have to remind myself of my new year resolution.
Enough of risks.
Come and go as you wish alright.
They all do the same.

UR classes are just so magical y'know. (pat yrself if you sense my sarcasm)
It's like it opened me.
I revisited the mistakes I made.
And hopefully not make them again, if not I'll be just plain stupid.
But I've been having this qns in my mind for a really long time.
Hope Sunita will be able to answer and clear my doubts.

I'm not making any sense tonight but I feel good ranting my random daily thoughts here.
Judge all you want.

LIVE TO EAT.

2012-01-16T00:26:00.001+08:00

So hungry right now.
All I think of is yummy ramen with the tamago eggs.
OM NOM NOM.

Craving for JAP FOOD RIGHT NAO.
:(

K time for bed nightszxzxzxzzxz.

NOTHING MORE THAN THAT.

2012-01-15T10:28:00.001+08:00

I want nothing more than to pass y driving ASAP.
I feel so demoralized today.
Can't get anything right.
So stupid I can't even drive the car properly.
What's wrong with me?
Get yourself back into the game Van.

FRIENDS?

2012-01-12T19:15:00.001+08:00

I still miss that particular group of friends.
That particular group of "us", before shit happened.
Now, I can't even look straight into anyone of your eyes.
Why is this so?

The idea of you, that's all I missed.
Hope you're doing all well.

I need a shoulder to lie on.
Been so tired lately.
So drained from all the work at school.

LUST FOR LOVE.

2012-01-11T22:39:00.003+08:00

I'm ugly like that.

WHAT THE NEVER ENDING DEADLINES HAVE DONE TO ME.
GOING GOING GONE.

ONE DAY WHEN IM GONE.

2012-01-10T16:50:00.001+08:00

WHY DO WE HAVE MEETING TODAY?!
DEADLINES COME CRASHING ONE AFTER ANOTHER.
IM GOING TO JUMP AND DIE.

SPONGEBOB IS STILL CUTE.

I WANT 198384949238259501 HOURS A DAY!

DEFYING GRAVITY.

2012-01-09T20:32:00.001+08:00

FUTURE BF MUST LOOK LIKE SPONGEBOB.
LOL, SPONGEBOB BE MY BF PLS.

TO-DO LIST (the one I make up but never DO):

1) Stop smiling at the red tote bag
2) CBM PROJ LAAAAAAAAAAA
3) BEER GAME, PLS GO SCREW YRSELF
4) AM TUTORIAL, Y U POP OUT OF NOWHERE
5) AM PROJ, WO MEI YOU WANG JI NI
6) Stop talking to myself
7) START TYPING THINGS THAT MAKE SENSE
8) SPONGEBOB SO CUTE
9) I WANNA EAT BROCCOLI

Spree @ editior's market today.
RLLY FUCKING BROKE.
PRETTY CLOTHES HOW TO RESIST.

SPONGEBOB SO CUTE.

NO ESCAPE IN ALL YOUR BULLSHIT.

2012-01-08T22:36:00.000+08:00

Captivated by youuuuuuuuuuuuu.

Things to do before my eyeballs decides to take a break:

1) CBM Blogpost
2) IL Surveymonkeyyyyyyy
3) SCM Beer Game
4) AM Project
5) COLLECT RED TOTE BAG TML. HEHEHEHE. CAN TELL HOW EGGCITED I AM?
6) Pretend to be excited abt work.
7) COLLECT $$$ FOR THE LOOTS FROM USA.
8) STOP EATING M&Ms & JELLYBEANS FROM THAT TWO HUGE JARS.
9) Wear my Aldo heels out more often b4 they mould again
10) OM TRIP B4 CNY
11) REST MY SOUL.........

Wicked today was just plain, WICKED?
SO FREAKING GOOD.
You'll never unds my love for broadway musicals.
#mustfindaguywhoappreciatesmusical
Then Jap buffet for dinner.
BEEN HAVING TOO MUCH GOOD FOOD.
GOTTA STOP BEFORE I LOOK LIKE A COW ON CNY.
If I can't fit into my jeans IMMA CRY AND LOCK MYSELF IN MY ROOM.

*P.S My planner smells like sex everytime I open it. #prosofworkingatANF

TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON?

2012-01-06T23:06:00.001+08:00

Where's our sundresses?!

Things to do before I start any nonsense:

1) SCM Beer Game
2) SCM Project
3) AM Project
4) CBM Project
5) CBM Blogpost 4 & 5
6) Focus on getting myself back on track
7) Get my working schedules from a&f
8) Study harder for tests, most prolly try to memorize
9) GET MY RED TOTE BAG FROM CINE ON MONDAY
10) STOP SPENDING MONEY
11) Charge my new portable charger
12) Focus
13) Focusss
14) Focussssss...........

Don't like yr face, anymore.
HEE.

NEW YEAR. NEW YEAR KISS?

2012-01-03T00:14:00.001+08:00

Fuck 2011.

2012 New Year resolution;
5:41pm, on 31st December 2011, Marina Barrage.

My new year resolution,
To keep my heart in my chest, not on my sleeve.

Determined it WILL happen. :)

SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME?

2011-12-31T05:02:00.001+08:00

I'm finally back from USA.
The whole trip was such a blast.
Despite the freezing weather, I had so much fun.
From LA to Vegas to San Francisco then back to LA.
Road trip, something I wanna do with you. Never gonna happen so continue dreaming.

I know I told myself to throw all the unhappiness away and bring only the happy ones back.
Yea, I'm forever like this, saying it but not doing it, as you always tell me.
Once again, I've failed to do so.

It's the 31st of Dec alright.
The very last day of 2011.

All I want is, to see you again before this year end.
Cause meeting you was one of the best thing that happened in my life this year.
Apart from all the drama I had.
You were the best.

But, it's impossible for that to happen now, at all.

I was welcomed back with photo spammed on fb of him and his new girlfriend.
On a double date to the zoo.
Then it hit me.
I've always wanted to visit the zoo.
Always wanted to go there, with him.
But always getting rejected by him.
I know I shouldn't be comparing.
But,

It hit me.
Have anyone done anything, entirely, solely, with the objective of making me happy?
Have anyone done anything for me?
Why am I always being able to be easily satisfied just like that?
Sweet nothings can fly me up to cloud nine.
Am I that easy?
Or do I have no challenge at all as a person on a whole.
Or, the saddest thing, am I not worth anyone's time for them to do something for me just to make me happy?

Someone out there, please just tell me what's wrong with me?
I'm desperate to know.
Desperate till wits ends.

It sucks when you are all the way on the other side of the world, standing infront of the most magnificent scene, and have that one person on your mind you would love to share it with, but can't.
Kills every ounce of me.

It's just frustrating.
No one really understands how I feel.
It's almost impossible to hide these feelings.
But I had to do so.
Seems like no one reads this ghost town blog anymore.
I can rant to myself.

All I wanted was that happy moment everyone else had.
Was that too much to ask for?

Overheard something along the way on the trip at The Grand Canyon,
"See those cliffs, you're afraid to fall off right? Now you've learnt how to treasure your life, next is to treasure those moments."

Where are the moments for me to treasure?
Those happy moments when I was with you just within that short period of time...
That's all I had. I'm bringing them wherever I go.
Best moments of my 2011.
I hope it's the same for you.
Yes you.

Even the slightest trip to the Starbucks we went together can remind me of the times we once shared.
That reminded me, last OM trip was with you.
We were supposed to go to the Art Science Museum for the Titanic Artefact exhibition, will you still go with me if I'd to ask you?
I've been secretly hoping that day would happen, for us to go together.
Have been avoiding museum trips just so I won't be reminded of the last time I've been there.

Been silently and unknowingly doing so many things so I would just, "forget".

And I'm slowly dying.
I think I can't do this anymore.
Can't.

What's wrong with me?

KEEP MUM.

2011-12-23T23:49:00.001+08:00

I'm at the other side of the world.
And yet, I still miss you.
How is this possible?
Even with this coldness out here.
It should be cold enough to freeze my heart.
But no, guess not for my case.

USA's been pretty good up till now.
Hope it just gets better.

LEAVE WITH A SMILE.

2011-12-16T17:47:00.001+08:00

Gonna head the USA later tonight!

Finally the day to fly.

Part of me can't wait for the whole trip just gets me all excited.

But the other part of my just cringe the moment I think about the long flight there, not forgetting the 6 hrs transit at Shanghai. :X

Nevertheless, it shall be an awesome trip to end the year.

This week was a pretty awesome one.

Wednesday was just great as expected.

Studio M Hotel, gathered the class there for a mini Xmas gathering.

Snuggling on the bed, watched MTV, shared pizzas, had a couple a drink, and photo spammed.

Bb looking so tall with those heels!

Gisele with her usual pose!

Pretty classmates!!!

Not a v typical way to celebrate xmas.

But it was more than enough.

Pretty surprised how the loft can accomodate so many of us!

Pizza feast in the loft.

Ping so cute! <3

Hill!

Love and I! <3

Zhang He Jie was such a babe that night.

With Ping and her Ah Mah friend!

Bb's so tanned, while I'm so fair!

Photo bombed!

Yehua's the MAN of the night. ;)

Bb and I. <33

JO JO! <3

IN THE VAN!
The uncle was pretty cool too.
Ditched all the cabs and hopped onto a van instead!

Although the clubbing session was a little disappointing, it's the company that matters.

Met a few friends along the way too.

And it was my first time taking a van to club hope.

"Van takes the van to butter fac!"

So swag, 14 people squeezing into a van club hopping away.

Fun night after all.

MAD LOVE FOR MY CLASSMATES :)

***

Before leaving SG tonight,

Wishing all the awesome people out there...

A MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS THIS SEASON!

Hope you'll get what you've always wished for if you've been a good kid.

Santa will be nice and get you your present!

I hope all my friends will be able to spend this Christmas with their loved ones.

Be it family or friends.

It's the season of giving!

Give a hug or a small gift!

Make someone happy! :)

Cheers!

WE WILL NEVER GET ENOUGH.

2011-12-13T16:38:00.001+08:00

CT's finally over.
Okay I say it like as if I have tons of paper.
When I actually have only one paper, which ended ytd.
Well, all the best to those who are still mugging for your papers, ESP you.

Done with my Tuesday proj meeting in school.
Time to pack some luggage for the US trip.
Thinking about it gets me all excited until I forgot I still unknowingly down with the flu.
So annoying to catch the flu just days before heading to US. :(

Before heading for US, the class is gonna have a Xmas party tml!
Crashing over at Studio M Hotel with the classmates for an awesome advanced Xmas gathering before heading to party.
Can't wait can't wait, can't wait for tml.
It's gonna be a blast, pls.

***

To stay or to go...

ALL THE SINNERS.

2011-12-11T16:28:00.001+08:00

Lost in this mad, mad world.

Home alone on a Sunday again.
Feels good to be having some time alone with myself, while the family gets on with their own business.
Mugging for the one and only CT tml.
Drilling SCM notes all into my brain, still not enough to cover the thoughts of you in my mind.

Counting down to the days before the USA trip.
Officially have 6 more days.
6 more freaking days.

People asked me, "What do you want for Xmas this year?"
Always get this question every year.
This year, my answer?
"Something that I cannot have, something that money can't buy."

I guess I'm more of the give person.
What's more rewarding than to see that you're capable of making someone smile?
Make people happy, but fail to make myself happy...

***

Fading away, but I hope to see you soon, again.
I've got so much to tell you.
Will you listen to me?
Where are you, my friend?

UNBEARABLE PAIN.

2011-12-09T01:03:00.001+08:00

Can't describe this queasy, uneasy, unbearable feeling in me.
Can't.

ONE STEP BACK.

2011-12-08T18:47:00.001+08:00

Can I take back all that I've said?
Can I have them all back?

***

Eating my favorite green tea ice cream, hugging my pillow feel lousy.
Yea, so true, I like to talk so much but no action done.
Saying is easy, but what about the actions?

I'm angry with myself.
Pissed with my own stubbornness.

Ah, whatever happened to smiling everyday, and making myself happy.

Srsly need to pay full attention to Unds R/S class now.
Might help me in becoming a better person.
First lesson yesterday alrdy opened my eyes.

Bad experiences?
Becca dear shared this with me earlier this afternoon.

"The past can hurt, but the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it."

–Rafiki (The Lion King)

It's all up to you.
Entirely.

BABY, TIME TO PLAY SOME GAME.

2011-12-06T01:55:00.001+08:00

Time to let my hair down and have some fun.
Who knows what will happen?
Maybe I'm taking all these a little too serious.
I mean, who are you anyway?

I have so much more to strive for.
Yea, take my heart away.
Don't return it to to me.
I gave it to you, don't need it anymore baby.

When you play a game, you don't need your heart.
It distracts you.

I'm not gonna get distracted while having fun now.

Gonna have a blast before 2011 ends.
Schedule's packed back to back.
Dates, movies, more museums trips, Xmas party, crashing hotels, high tea, retail therapy.

Life's pretty awesome like that.

Gonna go vavavoom with that cutesy dress for party next week.
No more black dress for me.
I'm gonna go for a makeover.
Fail red hair can go away.
Gonna get my jet black hair back.
Maybe some curls or so.
I need a new look.
And have been trying to persuade mum and dad to let me go for LASIK next week.
Sick of sticking contacts into my eye.
I want pretty eyes too!

Told mum abt the so-called "date".
She was like so supportive.
Kept asking me to, "Go out only, just dinner. Who know what might happen?"
I have such an adorable mummy. <3

***

Don't smug, rlly.
Quit it.
Till then, I'm gone.

HEART ON MY SLEEVE.

2011-12-04T13:15:00.001+08:00

Sunday afternoon, home alone.

It's time like these, when I sit alone in my room, and just, enjoy this serenity I have.

I don't have to put up fake smiles just to hide that sadness in me.

I can just be me and not let anyone probe and ask me what's wrong.

Yea, maybe you're right, being alone may be pretty good sometimes.

Like how I talk to myself all the time, least there's no one around to judge me.

I have to stop deceiving myself.

Stop planting stupid ideas into my mind.

Been drifting away recently.

Been pretty clumsy recently.

Been just stupid.

Fell down 3 times in 2 weeks.

I don't know how it happened.

But the bruises were bad.

Really bad.

Guess it still can't compare with how bad it hurts when falling for you.

When you fall, you pick yourself up and continue walking.

When doing that, I laughed along the way.

Laughed at myself for being silly.

Stepping into December?

More like falling into December.

November was just, speechless for me.

I hope this last month of the year, which happened to be my favorite month will be a blast.

I wanna leave all the bad things that happened this year all at USA.

And come back to start all over.

With all the new year resolutions that we always make but never accomplish them...

Will it be all good in 2012?

I wonder, last year this time of the month, I was a happy kid.

No worries, no nothing.

This year it's all different.

Complete different.

Well, at least I've never regret anything I've done this year.

Be it good or bad outcome, I didn't regret any of my choices.

At least I gave it a go.

I hope I'll stop falling, physically and emotionally.

Can't keep hurting myself like this.

I'll go crazy.

***

Stop wearing your heart on your sleeve, Van.

Stop.

I miss talking to you.

Do you feel the same?

GOT MY POINT ACROSS.

2011-11-30T17:25:00.001+08:00

See, I got my point across, everyone have got that emotion in us.
It's just all bottled up.

I'M READY TO GO.

2011-11-29T23:39:00.001+08:00

This Tuesday night, I've never felt so tired.
Staying back to get all those projects done is already tiring enough, and we still had to stay back for SPIN meeting.
And plus, my plan to sleep early every night is not exactly working.
The earlier I wanna sleep, the later I fall asleep.
The direct opposite thing happen instead.
So frustrating.

And there's driving tml, at 830am.
I need to have a good laugh at myself.
All the stupid things I do.

12 Dec better come ASAP.
Sashimi buffet with BB and we even set a date to party already, cause we promised no more partying for November.
Have been craving for good sashimi and sushi.
I need to pamper myself with good food.
Feeling happy, eat. Feeling sad, eat. #thestoryofmylife
No wonder I'm never slimming down, no wonder I'm having image crisis the last 2 weeks.

It's like sometimes you have this point of the week/month/year, you feel like crap.
Like, you don't feel good, and you don't look good.
Like as if you've lost all the confident in yourself.
Try on clothes and just feel, plain ugly.
Nothing looks good, just makes me feel like I'm so ugly I don't do justice to that piece of apparel.

Look I don't make sense again.

Oh well.

Counting down to US trip.
17 more days.
Need a real good getaway, with intense retail therapy.

***

You've got these little things that you've been running from.
You either love it or you guess you don't.

So, are you ready to go?

A THOUSAND YEARS.

2011-11-28T22:37:00.001+08:00

Sure does feel like a thousand years.

In a pretty confused state.

Not much words that I can use to describe how I feel right now.

It's like lift me up and throw me down.

Never mind, I'll get used to it pretty soon.

Hmm, there's still so many places I wanna go...
I hope to visit them all before 2011 ends.

***

I have died everyday waiting for you.

Well, guess that's what's gonna happen to me soon.
Nights like these, when you wanna sleep but cant sleep, yet only have your pillow to hold.
Head on to bed, tomorrow shall be better.

Darling, don't be afraid I have loved you for a thousand years.

OVERTHINKING KILLS

2011-11-23T01:39:00.001+08:00

It hit me again.
Overflowing my mind with thoughts of, you.

So much so we all have seen in this world,
The most crucial thing human can ever ask for is to lead a seemingly happy life.

I mean, we were happy?
Maybe not so much on the "we".
But, you weren't happy at all?
And you didn't felt anything at all?
It's either that heart've got no pulse or that heart seriously beat for someone else.
And if it does beat for someone else at that point of time, you're not worth for her.
Simply because you won't be doing anything of that sort.

I don't think I even make sense now.

Caught Crazy Stupid Love earlier this afternoon.
It amazes me how one, who usually detaches himself from the emotions and flings with different girls every night, can just fall in love with a girl just in one night.
There's no duration to any of these "so-called" love you call it.
When you fall, you just fall.
When it hit him, he couldn't even retaliate.

You told me, you worry and think about why you're still single at this age.
Maybe if you let someone in, you might see a different view of this whole unemotional shit.
I'm not saying I have to be the one, but just, someone, anyone.

Still strongly believe every human is bottled with emotions.
Just how much you wish to portray.
Emotions may kill you, they may save you too.

Chances you must give, to know if anything works.
If you didn't pick up that cup of orange juice to try it, how did you know you'll like it?
It's only fair to give everything, and everyone a chance.
So please, for whatever you do in the future, don't be afraid to give it a chance.

I assume, very soon I'll be like what Mum used to be before she got married.
Oblivious to all emotions she had.
How she had her heart broken but still managed to come back so strong.
It's funny how I'm a Cancer too like her and she can be so detached with her feelings.
Maybe sometimes you just need to be hurt so deep, until you just chose to ignore it despite the overwhelming emotions.

Previous one was someone whom, I believe was given to me.
He always around. I was never afraid I'll miss him.
We got together abruptly and made a pact that we'll never leave each other till death do us apart.
We made plans for the future.
How many storey will our future apartment have, how many kids we wanted, which country we decided to go for honeymoon, and the list goes on.
He was just, easily and conveniently given to me.
I didn't even have the urge to fight for him.

But for you, you're someone I would fight to be with, without a second thought.
When I was with you, I unknowingly fell into cloud nine.
I knew that feeling was right, that feeling was a good feeling.
Ladies' instinct told me you felt something too.
But I wasn't too sure how exactly you were feeling.

At that point of time, that was all I yearned to know,
How you felt...

Never did I realized, one could be so detached from his feelings.
It's not anyone's fault.
The way you roll, is different from the way I roll.
I just happened to be emotionally attached, no biggie.
It's like I'm married to my emotions. It's a lifetime commitment.

Just, shocked by how you can detach it so well.
Time to learn a trick or two, and throw in some positive thoughts.

These thoughts worn me out.
Stop reappearing infront of me.
Just by doing that, you've been killing me a million times.

Just so you know.
My heart still beats for you.

I'm not unhappy.
Just not happy.

Over thinking makes me type without thinking.
If they didn't make sense to you, then maybe you shouldn't be here.
But if it's you. I hope you'll read it, and understand me.
Sorry for being me, all these while.

I'LL REMEMBER WHAT YOU SAID.

2011-11-21T01:36:00.001+08:00

Been so busy with so many things lately.

Driving, school, work, gatherings, etc.

Glad I've got the chance to be this busy.

But despite being so busy, I still occasionally drift away to think.

Oh well.

Drafting that first draft out for "Just So You Know" was just, unbelievable.

I just had to let everything out.

& Joey kinda inspired and encourage me to try out writing a song.

I really felt alot better after jotting them down.

Not too sure if this whole writing and creating our own song will work out or not.

But I guess it's worth the try.

Even if it fails, at least I know I've tried.

Anyways, last Friday was just great.

Skipped class cause there was only CC 2 hrs lecture.

It was on purpose, but I kinda forgot to set the alarm the night before, so I slept in.

Heard it was a waste of time anyways.

Then met up with my crazy people and headed to Beer Market for Brenda Sissy's bday.

Birthday girl was late !!!! WE WAITED SO LONG! Even had dinner and a couple of drinks alrdy, then she came! -.-

Bought her a stalk of daisy from ws, they were so nice to wrap it so nicely for me. (Y)

Hope you liked the daisy! LOVE YOU SIS! <33333

I can never take a proper photo with my sis! :P

Cabbed down to Zouk right after The Lost Soul Boys took over the stage at Beer Market.

Srsly, they almost literally took our souls away.

But overall, first time at Beer Market, and I wanna go there again! :)

Oh my, we all looked so happy here.

Only managed to take 2 photos cause we all thought the camera died :X

Met the lovely people at Zouk.

Beer b4 that was getting me alrdy, and they insist on drinking b4 club.

Had a few more drinks b4 I was almost gone.

I can't mix them, I'll die v soon of liver failure like that.

*SLAP MYSELF AWAKE*

The night was a pretty fun night, from what I can recall.

The rest was just blur.

Headed to work the next afternoon.

First day at Abercrombie & Fitch was just so good.

I met a few nice people alrdy! And the best thing is, most of them stays at PSR!

That's just better! No more lonely ride back home after work! :)

I srsly think this job is one of the best thing that happened to me in Oct-Nov this year.

Can't wait for Wednesday to come! Gonna meet more cool people at work!

***

Looks like I've been leading a good good life now.

I guess, my attempt to make things change before that was a stupid move.

Only have myself to blame.

Who would have thought someone could feel nth from all these emotions I've got?

Now I've definitely met one. Maybe the one and only.

I've got to to learn to separate my feelings from, everyone who talks to me now.

Thanks for teaching me that.

You're probably, the best thing I never had.

JUST SO YOU KNOW.

2011-11-17T22:58:00.001+08:00

(First verse)

Me and you,

Who could ever thought of these two?

One day after another,

One date after another,

I fell for you but it's unlike the others.

You gave me laughters like never before,

With you I felt like I could be more.

Cheesy as it seems, you lift me up through within.

[Chorus]

Took the plunge and declared my heart.

And never did I realize how it will cut.

This wound deep in me, will always be part of me.

Mutual feelings I've got, but not the meaning I have thought.

We could have been so much more,

So much more for all to adore.

I blame myself for impulse.

But don't you have a pulse?

Or is it the heart beat for someone else?

(Second verse)

First date, second date, on and forth,

Till the last date I'll never erase,

All the happy smiles all these while.

But when my heart whispered, "You've got to tell him."

My head echoed, "Take a look, see what you have forhim?"

You said, zero emotions, but what were those actions?

Held my hands and brushed my hair.

Kissed me tenderly then you didn't care?

I was a fool, a fool for you.

Should have known when I was told.

That you're a player, never a quitter.

[Chorus]

Took the plunge and declared my heart.

And never did I realize how it will cut.

This wound deep in me, will always be part of me.

Mutual feelings I've got, but not the meaning I have thought.

We could have been so much more,

So much more for all to adore.

I blame myself for impulse.

But don't you have a pulse?

Or is it the heart beat for someone else?

(Bridge)

Didn’t know the rules of this game?

Who thought for me to control when these feelings came?

Now it’s falling apart,

I only have myself to blame.

[Chorus]

Took the plunge and declared my heart.

And never did I realize how it will cut.

This wound deep in me, will always be part of me.

Mutual feelings I've got, but not the meaning I have thought.

We could have been so much more,

So much more for all to adore.

I blame myself for impulse.

But don't you have a pulse?

Or is it the heart beat for someone else?

Just so you know, I love you so.
Just so you know...

***

Hope we can get the tunes ready soon, and I wanna hear how this will sound.

A HAPPY MEAL FOR YOU?

2011-11-16T12:40:00.001+08:00

This morning I woke up to the sound of LMFAO's mix from the primary school next door.
Then I heard the happy cheers from the kids when the music end.

Then it struck me...
Even the most insignificant thing can make a kid so happy.
Happy tunes they've enjoyed can make them all so hyped and carefree.
Why can't we?

As we all do, mature over times.
Things might not be as simple as then when we were a kid.
But, it all depend on ourselves.
Whether if we wanna keep things simple and put on a smile everyday.
Or frown to work/school and make everyone around you get affected.

I know, we all get the times when we're not in our best of moods.
Especially myself.
I'm a temperamental bitch for sure.

So I'm gonna give myself a task before 2011 ends right in front of me.
And that's is to be less temperamental.
I hope I'll be able to take more control of my feelings before I do anything else on impulse.
Be it from the most simplest thing like shopping or confrontation which I hate.

I hope I'll be able to appreciate all the insignificant thing that are around me.
And not take anyone or anything for granted.

If kids can be so happy over a catchy tune from LMFAO despite having tons of schoolwork, I can be happy too.
And of course, I hope I won't get all the emotions, necessary or not, to get over me.
As they say, I'm an emotional monster.

Maybe my theory wouldn't make sense to you.
Maybe you won't agree with my POV.
But don't stop me from being happy.

I might be a little too late to make a wish since 11:11:11, 11/11/11 just passed a few days back,
But I really wish for myself to be happier as time pass.

Got to remind myself again,

"Life's too short to be anything but, HAPPY."

HOW DO WE GET HERE?

2011-11-15T23:15:00.001+08:00

I did it cause I don't wanna lose a friend.

And I'm happy with what I did.

Not the result I was expecting, but I've learnt from it.

Friends is more than I can ask for.

I need time alone too by the way.

Weight off my shoulders, now I can be the happy girl I am again. :)

ANGEL WITH A SHOTGUN.

2011-11-14T21:55:00.001+08:00

They say before you start a war, you better know what you're fighting for.

I KNOW WHAT I WANT, DO YOU?

2011-11-14T00:04:00.001+08:00

Lovely crazy girl.

I don't have any words to properly describe this weekend.

Went to Cheryl's bday chalet over at Changi Aloha Chalet on Friday after school.
She's finally 18, happy for her that she's finally of a legal age.
Happy Birthday my dear girl! Love you truckload!

Saturday was a "stay-home-and-complete-assignment" day.
Except that we went over to Shander's place for some BBQ food.
Who can ever say no to yummy food??

Today was like temperamental.
The weather was temperamental, just like me.
Had driving early in the morning, then headed down to USS to meet the family for a family day.
The sun was scorching in the morning, but when it was around 3pm, it started pouring, that's when I just reached USS for about an hour.
Honestly, I was so excited to be going to USS again, but the rain just spoilt everything.
Didn't managed to take most of the rides, especially the human and cyclone.
And I got drenched from top to toe after the mummy rides. ALL THANKS TO THE RAIN.
All in all, today was like a roller coaster ride.
The irony, didn't take the roller coaster rides today but I felt the effects of it.
Physically and emotionally.

But nevertheless, I am glad we took out time to meet up.
I have always love love love family gatherings.
No one else can make you happy like your family.
Great family bonding today, running in the rain, grabbing each other's arms in the mummy ride, sharing a turkey leg, etc.
It's just comforting.
I'll never trade anything for my family.
Nothing.

Oh well, it's gonna be back to school monday tml.
Gotta get back on track with my work.
Focus please Van.

***

Just let me know if you're gonna be staying here or not.
That's all I wanna know.

I questioned myself these two days, "Am I already sick of hanging on?'
Apparently, I can't find an answer to that.

Temperamental.
We both are.

Just don't sink any deeper Van.
We all know you're a stupid girl.
But, stupid has got it's limit.
Someone slap me awake before I start hurting myself.

IT'S NOT TOO LATE RIGHT?

2011-11-10T20:43:00.000+08:00

Willingly being a stupid girl.

School these few days have been pretty boring.

I don't know why, I havent been myself lately in school.

It's either I'm too hyper, or not there.

Temperamental much Van?

I think I need to control myself.

Sometimes I just sit there by myself and think about the times when we were all good friends.

Not that we're not now, but that, when we were laughing about practically anything we talk about.

Just being about to hang out together, that fun we had as friends.

I think, to me, I treasure friendship quite abit.

But then again, I can't help to pull what happened in between with these friendships together.

It's two whole separated issues...

I may seem like it doesn't bug me anymore, but it is actually still bugging me.

Not to get the wrong idea, but I'm completely over him.

A good thing actually.

But I just miss the friendship we had.

Be cool about it some tell me.

Truthfully, I do not know how.

Still trying to fake it that it doesn't bothers me is pretty tiring.

But I thank God for the rest of the friends I have in class.

If not for them, I think I'll really be sitting in one corner of the class, who knows, talking to myself or something.

***

I don't like it sitting here all alone.

That seat next to me used to be taken up by someone.

It was all warmed up and cuddly before he decides to leave.

I got used to it, got used to that cold chilly feel next to me, with no one to turn to.

It's like sitting here all alone for way too long, waiting for someone to come by and gladly take up the seat to warm me up.

How long more does one needs to wait to deserve that all over again?

It's not one of the days that I'll start blogging like this.

And if you happen to read it, good, bad? I don't know.

Guess you caught me at the wrong moment.

I can't possibly be happy 24/7.

This is one of the days I feel like poop.

And all I need is just a hug.

I miss having someone to care for, that's all.

The right feeling, with the right person.

With patience, I'll get the right one.

I still want a hug..............

Coldplay - Paradise

2011-11-09T23:42:00.000+08:00

When she was just a girlShe expected the worldBut it flew away from her reach soShe ran away in her sleepand dreamed ofPara-para-paradise, Para-para-paradise, Para-para-paradiseEvery time she closed her eyes
When she was just a girlShe expected the worldBut it flew away from her reachand the bullets catch in her teethLife goes on, it gets so heavyThe wheel breaks the butterflyEvery tear a waterfallIn the night the stormy night she'll close her eyesIn the night the stormy night away she'd fly
and dreams ofPara-para-paradisePara-para-paradisePara-para-paradiseOh oh oh oh oh oh-oh-oh
She'd dream ofPara-para-paradisePara-para-paradisePara-para-paradiseOh oh oh oh oh oh-oh-oh-oh
lalalalalalalalalalalaAnd so lying underneath those stormy skiesShe'd say, "oh, ohohohoh I know the sun must set to rise"
This could bePara-para-paradisePara-para-paradisePara-para-paradiseOh oh oh oh oh oh-oh-oh
This could bePara-para-paradisePara-para-paradiseThis could bePara-para-paradiseOh oh oh oh oh oh-oh-oh-oh
***
Sighhh...........................NTS: Remember to switch off the emotion button. SWITCH IT OFF.

PATIENCE, CAN I DO THIS?

2011-11-07T01:20:00.001+08:00

It's finally Sunday, and tml is PH.
Stupid me went to book driving early in the morning, 830 am class.
Smarty pants Van.
One day for you to sleep in after a crazy weekend and you had to book morning driving lesson.
Won't be surprised if I fall asleep while driving.

This weekend was a pretty crazy one.
School was rather good for me.
Just that I have yet to complete the most annoying SCM tutorial, which happened to be due on Tuesday.
Handwritten assignment + min. 12 lines for each qns.
I'm so in for a good time.
Only done with qns 1 and my hands cramped from all the writing. :(

Yesterday was fun + fun + fun.
Had driving in the afternoon.
Rlly must not miss booking dates anymore.
Lost touch with the car for like a month, and I stalled the car again.
But I did made progress, 4th lesson and I finally passed my gear shifting class.
Changing gears is actually quite fun. Me like.
Let's hope tml's class will be as good as ytd's, although it wont be the same instructor.

Met my lovely Robin daughters after driving at town for dinner.
I rlly love them alot alot.
So blessed to make friends with them.
They make me so happy!
But didn't managed to take a full group shot ytd.

5 of us, missing Ah Pui and Barbie Doll! :(

Big face and small face!

LOVELY BABIES!

Dined at TCC, we were like so hungry we ordered so much the bill came up to abt $200+.
So ah pui and eli managed to sign up for the membership, that means more TCC for us! YAY.

Cabbed to meet the ppl at Zouk right after dinner with the lovelies.
Cab uncle was so fierce to me, I'll never forget his facial expression when I said I wanted to go to Zouk.
He didn't even close one eye and waive that $0.20 off the bill when I said I only had $7.00 instead of $7.20.
So fierce for what, chill pill uh uncle.
So anyways, yesterday was a hell of a night.
Can't rmb how much I drank, but I was almost gone.

Big eyes small eyes!

WHUUT.

B4 we had a drink or two.

Who's hand is that.

Funny face attempt #1.

Funny face attempt #2.

Funny face attempt #3.

Almost there...

NI HAO.

Epic Joey face.

Ping looking sexy with our bags!
Sorry you had to carry our bags the whole night! :X

So cute.

Me with JOEY!

Going going gone...

Eyes on you baby.

Brenda and Crystal!

Ping rlly looking good with those bags.

Thank goodness there were people looking out for me. :)
Overall, I had a fun Saturday night and of course with wonderful company too.

Went back home this morning and met Jackie, Becca and Dickson at ws.
They came over to help make some cards for Jack's friend's 21st.
The hangover thing got me, I was stoning the whole time while making the cards.
Straight face all the way. -.-
Oh and received my very very belated present from my part time bf, Jack.
He got me a FCUK watch!
So sweetttttt, hehehe, although it's not the one that I was eyeing for, but it's nice enough!
First time I received a watch from a friend. :)
Thanks part time bf!

They hanged ard till 9pm, I went to coma for a few hours after I got woken up by the MJ sound just right outside my room. O.O
It was so loud I couldn't sleep anymore.
7 of us were too lazy to go out and eat, so we called up for delivery and all NOM-ed at home.
We are srsly the pigs from Crazy gang. Or rather just me, cause I've been NOM-ing non stop these few weeks.

And I should probably go to bed soon before I wake up late for driving tml.
Pls let me pass my lessons tml.
I dont wanna retake the lesson again. PLSPLSPLS.

Still got that hangover effect.
Not good at all.

***

Smart listens to the brain, Stupid listens to the heart.
I am, always, stupid.
And I'm always not getting to where I wanna be.
Is this because I've been stupid all these while?

I need to train myself to be more patience, I must admit I'm not entirely the most patience girl.
I am always the kind, when I want something, I'll make sure I'll get it, ASAP.
But for right not, I guess good things are worth the wait?
Let this be, worth it? Will you?

Cause I'll wait, and still be stupid, a patience stupid girl.

I'M TERRIFIED, BUT I'M NOT LEAVING.

2011-10-31T23:35:00.002+08:00

Monday night and I'm already dreading this.

Just came back from SPIN@LSCM dinner meeting with the seniors.

I'm dead tired, so fucking tired.

***

Had a pretty interesting weekend though.

Dressed up and partied with the cousins.

We failed to get to Zouk or even get the car to Clarke Quay.

So headed to Soul in the end.

First time at Soul and I got to enjoy the Tranny show!

But Shander and I agreed that, it will be out first and last time clubbing at Soul, cause we simply do not like the DJ there. Hahaha.

Not too happening night, but I got to see many interesting costumes and really sporting people!

Halloween should be this fun, I mean it's an annual thing.

HELLO WIND HELLO WIND.

So called costume for the day!
I didn't even know what I was dressing up as!

Crazy Shander!

I love this photo!

SNAP SNAP.

Group shot!
Xiao Ding, Audree, me and Shander!

Look at all the tired face!

Cheeky waiter at SOUL!

Cheeky waiter gave me a balloon!

O.O

DIVA DIVA!

The shemale show was pretty interesting!

One of them happened to be Shander's friend!
COOL!

Making one of this bday girl like this v wrong bday cake :X

My crazy classmates were entertaining themselves with the few masks Gisele brought for her party.

Sigh, these people from class are always making me smile. (:

SCREAM!

Wendy showing some love to this handsome guy.

Guess who?

Who's head?

***

Sunday was a pretty relaxing one.

Except that we went to pray Grandma and Grandpa.

Great to see almost the whole family gathering together once in a while.

Come to think of it, Grandma passed away for a year alrdy.

And so much happened in this one year.

I've been missing her quite terribly this whole year.

She was my greatest friend.

I'll never forget those days where we sit together in the living room just talking and talking.

We talked about everything, even gossip about Mum together when Mum's out.

This is one of the reason why I hate to be home alone now.

Ever since she passed on, the thought of being alone in the empty house just hurts.

There's no one for me to talk to anymore...

But I'm glad she's now at a better place now, with Grandpa.

***

Love you Grandma, forever and always.

Dear Grandma,

Thank you for being here with me ever since I was born.

You were my greatest friend.

You'll always be in my heart, forever and always.

Rest In Peace.

I love you.

Love,

Your Ah-Girl.

***

Alright, so much for a sentimental post.

In memories of Grandma.

I should probably sleep soon.

Long day ahead tml.

***

I'm confused, was it right or wrong?

Will this have an ending?

Or will it be left hanging like this?

I don't even know what's right now.

But I only know I'm happy, very happy ever since those days.

Maybe being happy is all that matters now?

Is it?

Kind of terrified for anything bad to happen.
But, I'm not leaving, staying here, for as long as I can.

THIS HAPPINESS WE ALL YEARNED FOR.

2011-10-26T17:52:00.000+08:00

Lovely girls.
Missing out on Sweemin, Yixi & Eliz :(

Awesome night with awesome company.

Happy 19th Birthday my dear girl! LOVE LOVE!

Celebrated Becca's bday in advanced ytd at Helipad.
Made reservations @ 7pm and we rlly reached the place at 7pm.
Pretty nice place to chill out with your friends, have a couple of drinks and snacks.
They have the best view of the night life at Clarke Quay. Mad love it.
I had such an awesome night with my crazy ppl.
Drink, drank, but not drunk, thank goodness.

Headed to Rebel after Helipad cause we were too lazy to travel to either Butter/Zouk.
Partied till 4am and the rest came over to crash for the night.
Pretty fun night with them despite the disappointing crowd.

Oh yes, the look on Bec's face when she unwrap her present from us was super epic.
Told her it wasn't a present that she wanted cause we don't have the money to buy for her, and she was like disappointed.
But when she unwrapped the 5 LAYERS of wrapping paper and revealed the headphones she wanted, I totally LOL-ed at her face.
Hope you liked the surprise! LOVE YA!!! <3

To top it off, despite being so damn tired after sch, I had such a fun night with the lovely ppl ytd night!

***

Last weekend, I spent it over at KL with the cousins and the bro.
Flight was at 630am, had to wake up at 4am to rush to the airport at 5am.
Dead tired but I was so looking forward to it.
We practically, eat, shop, eat, eat, eat the 2 days.

Shander and me waiting for our KFC. hehehe.

I swear Ritz Carlton have rlly nice smelling moisturizer.
Managed to take two bottles back!
The bottle is rlly cute too!

& We found Gong Cha @ Garden Mall next to Midvalley Mega Mall!
But it was disappointing!
White pearl tasted yucky!

Herbal jelly at Chinatown KL!

HEHEHE. OM NOM NOM.

Oh and finally got a chance to check out ZOUK KL while I was there.
Managed to get in without getting checked. HEHEHE.
Eye opener for me I must say.
ZOUK KL is so much more happening as compared to ZOUK SG?

Illusion 20 shooters!
Mad cheap drinks at KL ZOUK. (Y)

But the thing that turned me off was that everyone was practically blowing smoke into yr face where ever you go.
Ended up leaving the club smelling like an ash tray.
It's like as if I smoked a few packets in the club. -.-

And ever since I came back from KL, I've been craving for A&W.

OM NOM NOM.

LOOK AT THE CURLY FRIES,
ZOMG. WANT SOME RIGHT NOW.

I want curly fries, root beer float, waffle ice creammmmmmmmmmm. :(
NEED TO GO KL FOR A&W GOODNESS AGAIN.

It was an awesome getaway for the weekends.
If only I can go KL every now and then when ever I feel like it.

***

Week 2 of Sem 2 and it's alrdy Deepavalli today.
Week 2, up till now have been good.
But I'm still anal about the whole "RAIN RIGHT AFTER CLASS ENDS" shit.
I am rlly picky about the weather and rlly hate rainy seasons. :(
Starting to have tutorials and assignment coming in one by one.
Gotta start working hard for this Sem 2. Pls let things be good, pls.

***

Are we still moving forward?
Or are you taking one step forward and two steps back?
I need a sign.
Please?

KEEP ME WITH YOU, WILL YOU?

2011-10-18T22:59:00.004+08:00

Robin Daughters power pack.

Princess and me with our drama faces!

Crazy girls in toilet.

The toilet ambience rlly got us.

ELI AND PRINCESS HEHEHE.

One more crazy post

Love this with Princess. <3

The photos are finally up on FB.

*Took them off from Eli's fb!* HEHEHE.

Her laptop's finally fixed and the photos are up.

Shall just let the photos do the talking k.

Show you how much fun when you put 7 girls together.

We even named ourselves the "ROBIN DAUGHTERS".

Forgot who came up with the name, but I must say it's an awesome name.

Happy to finally see photos on my blog again.

So long since a post with photos. hehehe.

I'm rlly very happy to get to know these lovely girls.

MEET UP SOON BABIES! :)

Sch officially just started yesterday.

I must say it's pretty awesome to get to see your classmates again!

Catch up with each other and just have so much fun in class.

Okay not exactly productive cause we're all in sch to study right.

But what's school without these lovely people. :D

First week of Year 2 Sem 2 is going to be pretty good for me.

Lectures, practicals, tutorials mostly cancelled.

For me to slowly get myself back on track for school work!

Oh yes, headed to town ytd to chill with the classmates and we got approached by recruiting staffs from Abercrombie & Fitch to work part-time for them.

So headed down for the group interview today and it went pretty well.

Was thinking if it's wise to work and study at the same time.

But I figured to give it a try and see how thing goes.

Earn a few extra bucks for myself sounds pretty good huh.

And maybe a chance for me to learn how to juggle a busy life. :)

***

I've been trying to tell myself to take it as it comes.

Afraid there's nothing for me when I'm entirely up for it.

Maybe you would've left by then.

HAPPY MOMENTS THAT WILL LASTS.

2011-10-13T12:17:00.001+08:00

Met up with the girls yesterday for some Timbre goodness.
Photo spammed quite a bit.
But we're all waiting for Eli to post them up on FB when her lappy is fixed.

Had such a great night with the girls.
Good food, good ambience, great company. :)
We talked and talked and talked non stop!
Wanyu was sharing with Princess abt her stories and our dear Princess cried upon hearing Wy's story!
Srsly, we're all touched by her reaction.
Maybe we all had a little too much to drink. Hahhahaha.

Ditched the clubbing plans with the girls cause Love wasn't going too.
I was too tired to even hold a cup how to party.

School's starting! School's starting! School's starting!

Happy girl is me.

WHERE DO I STAND?

2011-10-11T00:07:00.001+08:00

I should listen to myself.
But sometimes I don't give the best advice.

School's gonna start in less than a week's time.
Not working for this last week of holidays is really making me regret.
All I wanted was to enjoy this last week of holiday before all the stress from school starts coming in.
Then Mum have to make things worst for me.
I don't know why but her acting like that might make me explode someday.

I've never, and will never rebel you to hurt you.
That's all you should know.
I'm trying my very best to be the daughter you want.
I really just hope you'll choose your words properly before you scold me.
Cause those words hurt alot.
I've got feelings too.
And all I wanna be is the daughter you love.
There's nothing more I want from you.

***

I really hope that I'll be able to take it as it comes.
And also to be able to take it, if it never comes.

I've learnt to not put too high hopes into something, just in case I won't hurt myself too much.
Let's hope I'll be strong enough to do just that.

Overthinking kills.

YOU CAN'T PLEASE EVERYONE.

2011-10-09T17:28:00.002+08:00

I miss my friends.
My close friends especially.

I know we're all busy with school and all.
Stressed with our lives.
But when it's time to take a breath and take a look around what's happened, we'll then tend to realize we've neglected each other.

I'm sorry if I happened to disappoint anyone.

I guess we all need a little of mutual understanding when it comes to friendship.
We might miss out on gatherings every now and then.
Text less often, talk less often.
But I still choose to believe that, whatever that happen, we'll still fall back to each other.
I mean, that's what friends are for right?
I have your back and you have mine.
We support each other.

We all have different values of life.
Yea so profound but I mean it.
Some of us may prefer to do this this way, while the others prefer it another way.
So, I guess we can't possibly please everyone.
This is life.

Advises are all we can give.
Whether if you listen or not it's all entirely up to you.
I admit, I haven't been really taking most of the advices given to me.
But I guess this is how I roll?
If I think I wanna do it, I'll go ahead.
I'm sorry if I've disappoint anyone who tried to give me advises that I didn't follow.
It's not that I never take your words seriously.
Yes you may say since you don't intend to listen to my advice, why bother asking for my opinion?
Well, this I can say, if anything happens, I'll have myself to blame.
I'll be responsible for my very actions and decisions.
Guess this is a way I'll learn? If you never fall, you'll never learn to stand back up right?

I respect all my friends.
Especially the close ones, you know who you are.

I just hope I'll be able to gain your trust that I'll never let anything bad happen to me.
Be it whichever decision I choose.
Trust me for being myself because I know it will be all against my rights to be someone else.

I miss us.

I'll be here, no matter what.
Cause that's what friends do.

PUT YOUR HANDS UP FOR ME?

2011-10-07T14:54:00.001+08:00

Will you put your hands up, just for me?

Sometimes things happen and it's way beyond our control.
I'm really glad I get to know you.

Just happened to see my dream car again on the road.
Second time this week.
I really hope my dream will come true someday.
Driving the jeep on the road with the one who matters most to me.
Will it happen?

Oh well.

Anyways, next week's the last week of holidays.
7 weeks just flash by like that.
It was good to be busy with work.
And at the same time meet up with ppl despite being so busy.
It just shows how sincere they are to meet me and how IMPT are they to me.

School this sem will be all good for me.
I'm pretty set for school.
Lectures and lectures and lectures.

Something random on the way...
Topshop jeans are so comfy.
Think imma go get more. :)

Thinking of getting a pair of Uggs or Dr. Mart.
Shoes, never enough for me.

Otw to town again.
Second time this week.
Oh and I'm in a dress, in town.
Beat that, Van's back.
Hahahhahahahahahaha.

IM IN A DRESS CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!

Can't wait for our mani session with the girls at work next week!
Yay gellish nails.

Party next week? Yay or nay?
I think it's about time I stop these habits.

Change for the better Van.

GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN.

2011-10-04T23:44:00.001+08:00

Back home after shopping and supper with the lovely girls.
85 for supper and I'm still full from all the fatty food.

Srsly can't stop myself from all the food, HOW TO 减肥 LIKE THAT?!

Anws, had such a great time with the girls!
We talked so much. And finally got to know each other so much better.
Hope our plans for manicure session next week will happen!
I wonder which salon will cater to 7 girls walking in wanting to do manicures at the same time!

Rlly glad to have this opportunity to know them.
We're from different schools but we can click very well!
Put 7 girls tog and don't you ever dare to mess with us.

I guess from this Robinsons Expo Sales cashiering job, despite the many dramas with the so-called misunderstanding,
I manage to get to know this bunch of lovely girls.
It's rlly heart-warming?
Wah so dramatic here.

Kinda glad I took up this job.
Made more new friends to brighten my life!

YAY to all the lovely and sexy ppl! :)

Shall head to bed soon.
So beat.
Gonna have a long day out with J tml.
Need to have my beauty sleep!
OM here I come! More new clothes!
TOPSHOP jeans and M.A.C eyeliner.
Omg shopping spree. Weeeeee!
Life just gets better.

This, is the meaning of happiness.

LMFAO - Sexy and I Know It

2011-10-03T22:23:00.000+08:00

Oh my this song is so freaking addictive.

IM SEXY AND I KNOW IT! ~~

WRIGGLE WRIGGLE WRIGGLE YEAH!

Hahaha, epic srsly.

Makes me feel like dancing too!

NIGHTMARE VS HAPPY MOMENTS.

2011-10-03T09:24:00.001+08:00

Woke up by a really bad dream this morning and I kinda can't get back to sleep.
This nightmare's so bad I don't even dare to talk about it.

That feeling I had in the nightmare is one of the worst feelings.

Please, someone tell me if you have a nightmare, something of the direct opposite will happen in real life instead.
Because if the nightmare is real, I don't think I'll be able to take it.

I can't lose someone so important to me again.
Can't.

IF YOU'RE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT CLAP YOUR HANDS!

2011-09-29T20:43:00.002+08:00

Cause I'm a happy girl like that.

I need to stop smiling to myself.
Well, it's rlly good to feel good.

So many things to look forward to!
KL trip during mid-Oct, USA trip during Dec, parties, more meet ups, and not forgetting SHOPPING.
Hehehe. Oh yes, I CAN'T WAIT TO SPEND XMAS OVER AT USA.
Can you freaking imagine?! Xmas in the States! OMGOMGOMG.
Cannot contain how excited I am.
And I'm gonna start saving for my very first Prada wallet and most prolly save up to go on a shopping spree in the States.
HOHOHO, HAPPYGIRL_92 IS ME.

Plus, surprisingly, I'm pretty darn excited about school.
I kinda can't wait for school to start.
I wanna see my lovely classmates! Miss having so much fun with them in class!
But definitely not looking forward for all the projs and assignments coming on the way.
:X

I hope Mum will help us get The Wicked tix soon.
Caught The Lion King musical recently at the MBS.
IT WAS SO SO SOOOOO GOOD.
I love it.
The thought of growing up with the movie The Lion King makes me so happy.
It's like the best movie ever. And getting to catch the musical live in SG completes my childhood.
Happy girl once again.

Setting up a blogshop soon with Swee.
Hope I'll be able to get business!
Spiky shoes are rlly DA BOMB.
Idk why, it looks so good, and it's super comfy.
Let's pray and hope it'll sell.
Might be bringing in creepers too!
I mean, which girl can ever say no to SHOES?!
I know I can't! HEHEHEHE.

Work's been great.
I met so many cool and fun people at work!
Srsly, they cannot stop making me laugh. Non stop.
We're like helping each other make time pass faster!
Great company, rlly hope we'll keep in touch after the expo sales!

I am on such a good mood today.
Like rlly, so happy.
I don't know why.

FEELS GOOD TO BE GOOD BABY. ;)

BRING ME ALONG, TO WHERE EVER YOU ARE GOING.

2011-09-26T11:38:00.001+08:00

I want to part of someone's world.
Part of your world.
Where I can make you smile.

Sitting here, hiding behind my own shadow.
I wonder who will wondered these tears actually never stopped.

I need a hug.
Can you give me one?

ROLL THE DICE AND START THIS GAME.

2011-09-24T21:55:00.001+08:00

Been rlly busy this whole week.
Work + work + work + a little bit of fun + FLB7...
Ended FLB7 today, not too bad I guess?
Though the crowd was pretty bad, and I didn't rlly managed to sell much things.
But I had fun, oh and finally got to see how Soul looks like.
Looks pretty cool I must say.

What I'm dreading now is WORK tml!
ON A SUNDAY!
I'm gonna give family day a miss tml.
Let's hope work will be slightly less torturing.

I haven't been so busy for a really long time.
And I'm so freaking glad that I'm so busy.
It's like one thing after another.
Don't even have time to sleep properly.

Did I mention I woke up feeling breathless again?
Had to search and look for my puff/inhaler.
It's been long since I woke up feeling breathless.
Asthma asthma, hate it. ;(
Can't even let me have ample rest when I need them most.
Maybe I've been thinking too much.

***

Internal conflict with myself recently.
But I got it all figured out.
I am very very sure of how I'm feeling right now.
No one can doubt my own feelings.
I know very sure what I want.

Now I'll let everything flow naturally.
Things shall be good.
It will be.

Be optimistic, right?

NEW CHAPTER.

2011-09-24T02:18:00.001+08:00

Thank you for the glimpse of hope.

IS THERE A CHANCE?

2011-09-22T23:25:00.001+08:00

Now when I know what I want.
I just feel I won't get it.
Happens all the time.

No one will look at me and think to themselves, this is the girl I've been looking for.
Guess it'll never happen.

Wishful thinking.
I'm naive like that.

Everyone come and go.

Yesterday night shouldn't even happen.

Cry myself to sleep.
I'll need to get use to this routine.

A PROMISE THAT EXPIRED.

2011-09-21T14:28:00.001+08:00

I know I shouldn't be feeling this way.
Ever since that talk, I've been at my lowest almost every night.
Fuck it.

I am happy. I am happy. I am happy.
I must be happy.

This is terrible.

I need a drink.
Now.

GUESS WE'RE ON DIFFERENT CHANNEL.

2011-09-20T22:39:00.002+08:00

Yesterday night someone tried to talk me out.
I guess we were all on different channels.

I don't know what got me yesterday, I got so pissed off.
But I hope I got my point across.
I am pretty sure I made sense.
Just hope that I won't keep getting harped on the same matter again.
Truthfully, I'm tired of fighting this feeling.

If I'm happy now, let me be.
Don't you all want me to be happy?

Please, just let me be ME...

PAIN CHANGES SOMEONE.

2011-09-20T01:30:00.000+08:00

So this smile is for those who cared.

What have I become?
Pain sure does changes someone.

Did I changed for the better or for the worst?

What did I do that was right?
And what did I do that was wrong?

Who's to blame for this mess?
Is it you? Or me?

This big picture everyone sees.
Who's pain did they felt for?

Or rather, were you even in pain?
Or was it just me, here, crying to myself, all alone?

People tell me they care about me.
They don't wanna see me in pain.
They tell me it's not worth it.
Do they know how much it hurts?

I know I should be over by now.
But it keeps hitting me time and time again.
Please, don't remind me about the things I don't wish to hear.

People asked, "Are you over it already?"
I said, "Yes, it's about time."
Then I whispered, "Not one bit."

Just keep yourself out of my sight.
And I'll be the happiest girl everyone wants me to be.
At least on the surface.

I don't want people worrying for me.
Worrying if I'm still haunting myself with those wounds.
I don't want them to see me as that girl who fell and never got back up.

Because I know I'm nothing like that.
So why am I still here?

I have 3 more weeks to prepare for that show once school starts.
Show everyone the Happy Vanessa they wanna see.
I think I can do this.

ALL THE AMATEUR LOVERS.

2011-09-16T17:12:00.001+08:00

This rlly weird feeling.
Tell me what is it.

He Is We - All About Us ft. Owl City

2011-09-16T01:09:00.000+08:00

Take my hand, I’ll teach you to dance.
I’ll spin you around, won’t let you fall down.
Would you let me lead, you can step on my feet.
Give it a try, it’ll be alright.

The room’s hush, hush,
And now’s our moment.
Take it in feel it all and hold it.
Eyes on you, eyes on me.
We’re doing this right.

Cause lovers dance when they’re feeling in love.
Spotlight shining, it’s all about us.
It’s oh, oh, oh, oh, all about uh, uh, uh, uh, us.
And every heart in the room will melt,
This is a feeling I’ve never felt but,
It’s oh, oh, all about us.

Suddenly, I’m feeling brave.
Don’t know what’s got into me,
Why I feel this way.
Can we dance, real slow?
Can I hold you, real close?

The room’s hush, hush,
And now’s our moment.
Take it in feel it all and hold it.
Eyes on you, eyes on me.
We’re doing this right.

Do you hear that love?
They’re playing our song.
Do you think we’re ready?
Oh I’m really feeling it.
Do you hear that love?
Do you hear that love?

Do you hear that love?
They’re playing our song.
Do you think we’re ready yet?
Love I’m really feeling it.
Do you hear that love?
Do you hear that love?

Lovers dance when they’re feeling in love.
Spotlight shining, it’s all about us.
It’s all, all, all, all.
Every heart in the room will melt,
This is a feeling I’ve never felt, but
It’s all, all about us.

Cause lovers dance when they’re feeling in love.
Spotlight shining, it’s all about us.
It’s oh, oh, oh, oh, all about uh, uh, uh, uh, us.
(hey-ey hey)
And every heart in the room will melt,
This is a feeling I’ve never felt but,
It’s oh, oh, all,
It’s all about us.

***

Haven't heard anything good like this for a real long time.

Thanks Joey for the intro! :)

***

This is a feeling I've never felt.

DEJAVU OR SOMETHING NEW?

2011-09-15T01:23:00.001+08:00

I'm so tired of fighting with my own feelings.
I'm going to ignore them.
These internal conflict led me to somewhere I've never thought I would be.
I don't want the same thing to happen again.
Because it hurts too much.

Just live my life for myself.
It should be more than enough.

***

Monday's driving was pretty interesting.
Finally get to go onto the traffic to drive.
Gear shifting lesson was very interesting.
I hope I get to book more lesson tml!

Met up my lovely girls after driving at sentosa.
Meant to sun tan but the haze was really bad.
So disappointing.
We ended up sitting around the each talking. And walked abit and sat at Azurra like for hours and talked abt everything.
Sigh. Miss good times like that with my girls. :(

Tuesday was the POS training for the Robinsons job.
It was pretty cool.
Learning how to function the cash register and everything.
Let's hope this job will be fun and time will pass ASAP when I work!

Today was slack my backside off day.
Literally, slacked my ass off today.
Okay except that I went out to meet H and my dear brother for dinner.
I spent the whole day at home rotting.

What a way to prepare myself for tml POS practical training.
6pm - 10pm at Robinsons Centrepoint. Sigh so far and so late.
Could have went club tonight!
Oh well!

I shld probably get some sleep right now.
Eye lids getting heavier and heavier.

***

I hope it'll all be good.
I'll be hoping that there will be a chance.
I don't mind taking this risk.
Nights.

PERSPECTIVE CHANGES.

2011-09-12T23:52:00.001+08:00

Why am I feeling low like out of the blue?
It's always like this when it's in the night.
Sigh. And looks like there's no one to talk to.
Internal conflicts makes things worst.

I just can't stop fighting myself.

Is it really true that there's always that someone out there who truly wants you, who truly wants to talk to you?
Why does it feel like everyone's just out to play and when they have enough fun they leave just cause they're bored.

Human beings are the weirdest creature I'll NEVER understand.
What a pity.
And we all hang the word love on our lips like it's free.
We think too highly of ourselves.

Sigh. Internal conflicts will continue to kill me tonight.
Bye.

GLAD THAT YOU'RE GLAD.

2011-09-11T23:50:00.001+08:00

Glad that you're finally happy.

HUMMINGBIRD HEARTBEAT.

2011-09-10T21:46:00.001+08:00

Love you like a love song baby, like real.

This week was BUSY BUSY WEEK.

Had my very first driving lesson on Monday.

It was so awesome, so fun.

Okay, despite the fact that I kinda stalled the car a few times cause I let go of the clutch too fast.

But I'm getting the hang of it.

Second lesson ytd just got more fun, so I'm definitely looking forward to more lessons.

DRIVING IS FUN YO.

Headed to Robinsons staff office on Tuesday to collect my uniform and sign the contract for work.

Exciting exciting. I am finally working.

Training will start next week then work will officially start the following week.

AWESOME.

Can't wait to be busy busy busy again.

After settling all the what not at Raffles City, met HZ at town to do some shopping.

Missed her quite terribly ever since papers ended.

So we had some time tog that day.

SHOP SHOP SHOP.

Haven't earn money, I alrdy started to spend.

Bought a few dresses and a few accessories.

But hey, it was a good buy, so why not. :D

Bec met us after her class and we went to have xlb at Ion. YUMMEHHHHHHH.

I love days out with my girls like that.

IMPROMPTU but we had fun!

Wednesday, headed down to Grand Copthorne Waterfront Hotel, supposedly to help out at the Supply Chain Asia Forum.

But sadly we were scammed by Mr. Daniel cause he sent our names in last min.

So we ended up being attendees for the event.

It was pretty interesting, to hear all the advices from CEOs and all the big shots from the Supply Chain industry.

I am more than determined to go and get my degree now and make sure I'll be able to follow my dreams. :)

After the forum, accompanied Love to PS to get her iPhone fixed.

Dined at Popeyes at The Cathay.

Sinful food again, sigh, how to lose weight like than. #foreverfatme.

Thursday was an awesome day!

Met up with T and we went to the National Museum!

I rlly like trips to the museums and galleries.

I can spend the whole day there, hehehe, it's like heaven for me! :D

Headed to check out H&M after our museum trip.

And yes, guilty, with our Singaporean traits, we queued to go in.

I must say, H&M was disappointing.

Nothing much attract me, okay maybe it was the crowd.

Most prolly head down again after the H&M craze subside.

Kinda "bumped" into Bren sis at H&M, so T left and I hanged out at FEP with sis and her friend.

So I made a new friend that day! Her name's Hazel! V nice girl. (Y)

Impromptu decision again, went to do express mani and I think I chose the most disgusting colour.

Came back home and I was disgusted with my nail colour.

Bt it was so neatly painted, so I'm going to leave it. BIMBO MUCH.

Had my second driving lesson ytd.

I swear my instructor is some kind of joker, thank goodness it's not some old man with a straight face.

I enjoyed my second lesson!

Drove round the circuit, and he cannot stop talking to me abt the LMFAO song. Damn funny.

Gonna have my third lesson on Monday! CAN'T WAIT! YAY.

The rest came over my place for MJ after my driving.

But we got lethargic after a few rounds, and Dickson had to go also.

Slacked around until dinner time.

Ytd was very much like a "Slack-My-Ass-Off" day.

Family day today was great.

I missed days like these, finally Dad won't need to work on weekends. HEHEHE. LOVE.

Shopped shopped shopped today.

Dad got me my sport shoes.

Mad love it. So chio somemore.

I am more determined to go running now. HEHEHE.

Oh yes, I am suddenly very interested in kickboxing/MMA/MuayThai, have always been interested, but v lazy to go and find out more.

Been like researching on the net on the places for me to sign up for some courses.

Need to pick up some self defense skills.

Anyone who knows of anywhere to sign up for these classes pls let me know k! :D

Woah wordy post today.

I'm boring like that YO.

GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN.

2011-09-04T17:10:00.001+08:00

Oh my. Just what did I do?

Class chalet was pretty awesome.
More than enough bonding time with the lovely classmates.
First time clubbing with the few classmates except for Love and Oli.
Had a great night, wild night.
How is it possible for me to lost them in the club twice?
I'm still figuring out.
Guess I had too much to drink for myself.
What happened in the club shall stay in the club.
The hangover after that was bad enough.

I still hate that chalet, filthy.
So filthy I got rashes all over me the next morning after a wild night at butter.
I swear those rashes looked hideous I just wanted to dig a hole and die.
And plus it was so fucking itchy. :(
Went to visit the doctor after that cause I couldn't take it anymore.
Calamine lotion was the best cure for this disgusting rash.
Applied them immediately after I got them for the doctors and it was healed within an hour.
Thank God.

Knocked out twice in a row after returning from chalet.
Next time can we pls get a suite instead of a chalet, chalets are so filthy I swear.

***

So much fun from the chalet the past few days.
I'm all hyped up for my week.
Gonna have my very first driving lesson tml!
Hope it'll all be fun for me. I can't wait for drive!
Then I have to get to the Robinsons office to get my uniform for the expo sales.
Kinda regret not looking for another job.
I really can't stand staying at home for too long. Sigh.
Shall try to book more driving lessons tml, fill up my schedules, so I won't leave time for myself to think too much.

***

I overheard things I shouldn't hear.
I know it's nothing much.
But the mention of his name just makes me rewind all the memories we had together.
So I told myself, next time, you'll just keep everything to yourself.
No one shall know how you feel, especially regarding that matter.
Because it's all over.
There's no point holding on to it.

Frankly speaking, I'm really alright.
Why when I tell people, "I'm alright, really.", no one seems to take me seriously.
What more do you want from me?

Get over and done with.
I am going to find someone better.
And I think I just found him.

HAPPY ENDINGS ONLY EXISTS IN DRAMAS.

2011-08-29T14:18:00.001+08:00

Is there a new chapter for me to begin with?

One week of holidays.
I am so getting used to this.

Visited the SAM & 8Q with Swee on Wed.
Just the two of us.
I kinda like impromptu visits to galleries.
Never know what you'll expect from there.
The Video gallery was exhibiting, and it was pretty amazing.
I dont know how to put it into words, but I kinda picked up a few things from the two visits.
I wanna go to the National Museum and the Asian Civilization Museum soon!
ANYONE ANYONE? :)

This holiday, I told myself to do something meaningful.
At least something meaningful for myself.
So tml, I'm going to join Mum and Dad to help out at the IMH.
Yes, the Mental Hospital.
Let's hope tml will be a good day.
It shall be an interesting day for me tml. :)

Class chalet's up this Wed.
Yay can't wait.
Need some bonding time with my classmates like v soon.

Scrapbooking day today with the cousins.
I need to SCRAP!
Make something nice to make myself happy. :)
Oh and probably something for Wendy love, since I've been wanting to make something nice for her.

***

Been staying up late just to watch some Korean dramas.
Realized one thing from these sappy, romantic Korean dramas...
And that is, Happy endings rarely happen in real life.
If it does, treasure it before you lose it.
Grab hold of it before it slips out of your hands.

Day #7 - I'm doing pretty good.

PUT IT ON REPLAY AND TELL ME IT'S OVER.

2011-08-24T01:16:00.000+08:00

So over the moon cause the papers...
ARE FINALLY OVER YO!

CAN U FREAKING IMAGINE.
THE PAPERS ARE FINALLY OVER.
IT'S TIME TO PARTY TILL I DROP YO.

Okay, I'm srsly exaggerating.
It's only two papers and kicking a fuss out of it. HAH.
But I'm genuinely very happy cause... I SMELL FREEDOM.
And, NO MORE SCHOOL. HOW AWESOME RIGHT.

I'm a free bird now. :D

Awesome classmates at town!

Ah Hua & Gisele!!!!

The moment OS paper ended today, flew all the way to town with the classmates.
Met T @ town for Zookeeper with the classmate.
Zookeeper was pretty hilarious, but I didn't rlly liked the storyline.
I sure did had a good laugh. After so much of mugging I sure do deserve some fun time... Hah.

Gonna meetup with the Tallie Swee tml!
Deciding on whether to visit the MBS science gallery or just hang ard SG.
There's practically nothing left to do in SG.
IT'S GETTING SO BORING!!!
#@!$@!%$#@%@#^%$^%&^%%$@

And I rlly rlly rlly really reallllllllyyyyyyyy wanna go overseas soon.
Like a getaway.
Don't bring me to a noisy city where everyone's busy with life.
I just wanna get to a beach, sit there, chill with my mag, tan, and just let the world pass around me.
Sigh, guess I won't be able to do that this holiday.
Gonna be working working working at the Robinsons Expo.
Cross my fingers and hope I'll be able to go this coming Dec.
Die die also must go.

Ignore fat double chin pls.
Hideous face, focus on v nice shoes.
& Mum's vintage Celine bag.

Creepers!(Just realized they're called creepers instead of platforms. LOVE THE NAME! CREEPERS! MUAHAHAH!)
Rlly mad love them! *IGNORE MY HIDEOUS DOUBLE CHIN!*

HELLO HELLO iPHONE CASE!
HELLO HELLO BABY YOU CALLED I CAN'T HEAR A THING~~~

And I got this for my iPhone.
Got attracted by this very loud iPhone case and decided to buy it.
I think it's very pretty and unique! :D

***

I poured it all out to Love.
I hope I'll be able to make myself feel better.
Things should be better now.
I want you to disappear, as far as possible.
I want you out of my mind.

I got so tired of missing you.

THIS SHALL BE THE LAST.

2011-08-21T23:38:00.000+08:00

Place where I step foot into lalaland the moment I see my notes. Zzz.

With the mess like this, I'm trying "oh-so-hard" to mug for the bloody MM & OS paper.
TO HELL WITH THESE TWO PAPERS.
Tml's MM paper.
Truthfully, I'm only like 30% confident on this paper.
Heck I'm going to get this done.
Did so many papers before this sem and I can pull through, these two papers shall be a breeze.

OH WHY AM I STILL BLOGGING THEN?
DISCIPLINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I WANTED YOU HERE.

2011-08-19T16:06:00.000+08:00

I miss you so much suddenly.
I wonder if you ever think about me at all...

OH LOVER BOY.

2011-08-19T00:05:00.002+08:00

Candid moments reveal the true emotions.
I ~~wished~~ I had candid moments with you.

Study session with Sammy on Wednesday afternoon.
We tried Laselle, but apparently there were too many cool students around.
Didnt managed to hang ard long enough, so we headed to Illuma Coffeebean.
I managed to study! It's hard trying to make myself focus and study these few days.
It was that difficult because, right after studying that afternoon, I headed to club in the night.

Talk about being serious Van. *face palm*

Okay, so the cousins tempted me.
And I thought, why not, since the papers are only next week, and I still have time.
Plus, Wendy love was clubbing that night too.
So yeap, clubbed ytd night and met love at butter after mambo at zouk.
Mambo at zouk ytd night was MEHHH. The last time I was there, it was alot more happening.
Even PH was disappointing ytd night.
But I must say, butter was pretty good that night.
Mix was good, v happening, but the crowd (practically all guys) was horny. HAH.
What happens in there, stays there.
Pretty awesome night, clubbed with cousins, met love and sam and their friends. Met a few nice guys too hahahahaha.
Crashed at cousin's place after that.

Came back home the next afternoon hoping to be able to cover the last few chapters for MM.
I did study, but didnt complete MM.
Let's hope I'll be able to finish MM by tml.
Then leave the weekends for OS.

SRSLY CAN'T WAIT FOR 23 AUG.
I WANNA BE A FREE BIRD.

Itching to spend some time at town, catch a movie, do some shopping, eat some good food.
23 AUG, HURRY COME.

Oh, and I got that temp job at Robinsons Expo as cashier.
Yes, I know, wth right, cashier.
Uniqlo actually called up and asked me back for a proper interview. But I kinda rejected them?
Aye, I'm fickle like that.
But I'm pretty sure I still wanna be a tai tai.
Sigh.

formspring.me

2011-08-18T23:35:00.001+08:00

http://formspring.me/nakedthumbs

GIVE ME ALL YOUR HEART, WAS ALL I ASKED FOR.

2011-08-17T01:33:00.000+08:00

Oh my, it's Wednesday alrdy?
I think I kinda wasted my Monday and Tuesday away.
Count down, I have less than a week more till next Tuesday.
STUDY STUDY STUDY!

Headed down to Vivo ytd to surprise Joey on Monday.
It's her bday just earlier today. :)
She was totally not aware of anything that we prepared for her.

I'm always v excited about celebrating and surprising ppl for their bdays.
I love to see the smile on their faces when the see that surprise.
And the best feeling would be, knowing that, you played a part in putting up that smile on that face.
I mean, who don't like to make someone happy?
So, yeap, I'm so glad that we made her smile like a silly girl.
Love that girl alot. I'm glad to have friends like her.

Joey if you're reading this...
Always, ALWAYS remember you're beautiful alright?
Hearts to you girl! :)

Anws, for today, met up with the "VERY-AWESOME" Derrick.

He's going in for NS next week, on my very first MM paper. What a date.
Met up with him for Astons, YUM YUM Astons, and I'll never forget our inside story at Astons. :X
I literally ranted to him abt "He Who Must Not Be Named."
Actually quite pity my dear cousin just now, he had to watch and listen to me rant and complain abt everything.
Haha, but thanks to him, I felt better. Hehehe.
We took a few Polaroids with his very cute Dahlang hairstyle.
It made him looked like a girl, but it's so cute.
Dinner with him and his friend at Paradise Dynasty at Ion.
Colorful xlb didnt' rlly appeal to us, so we had the traditional ones instead.
Even xlb reminds me of XXX. Van must stop being such a pathetic loser.

These two days, I feel so guilty, studied but didnt cover much.
I'm going to study tml.
MUST STUDY. :X

Job hunting job hunting!
Went for the Robinsons Expo interview and hopefully I'll get the job.
Sounds like a pretty good deal and workplace's near my house. Even better. Hehehe.
Also applied for Uniqlo. Rlly wanna work at Uniqlo. I always think working there seems kinda cool.
They haven't called me yet, looks like it's another fail job application. SAD FACE.
I need a job to keep myself busy. No time to think van.

UNTANGLE MYSELF FROM YOU.

2011-08-15T11:25:00.000+08:00

Emotions up and down whenever I'm sick.
But still, smiles for you.

Feeling so much better after popping panadols and bottles of herbal tea the last few days.
Never like to rely on panadols, but this time I rlly didn't have a choice.
Looks like I'm rlly fine alone. I can take good care of myself.
And, I no longer sound like I have a frog in my throat and that is good news.

This weekend is the best weekend ever for so long.
Slacked quite a bit and finally had sometime to relax before I start mugging for the two papers.
And, plus, Mum's finally back from her 2 weeks Taiwan trip!
It's good to have her back.
I miss talking to her.
Now I don't have to wake up to an empty house like how I did for the past 2 weeks. :X
She even got me my favorite pineapple biscuit from Taiwan.
Two boxes specially for me. Aww I love Mummy! ♥♥♥
Though she didn't get my my Marc Jacob's LOLA fragrance. But nvmd, I'll get them someday.

Yong Chuan came over last Friday night to make some macaroons for his love.
This cousin is such a sweet guy I must admit.
Guys like him, close to being extinct alrdy.

Hardworking "Chef-Christopher" @ work for his love!

Macaroons making in the process!

This book have amazing recipes for all the flavors of macaroons!
My favorite will be the Rose Macaroons! YUMZXZXZ.

Piping the fillings!
Looking rlly tasty and pretty!

Close to perfect macaroon shells!

So I was helping this "chef" as his assistant while he makes his macaroons, I helped out and picked up one or two skills.
I think I know how to make one of these yummy macaroons alrdy! :D
Baked till 3am and I couldn't take it anymore, my nose was pissing me off so I head to bed.
Continued the next morning with the fillings and all.
It was a job well done I must say! :) YUMMY YUMMY MACAROONS!

Been heading town the last few days in my new platforms from Taobao.

Geraldine and I have similar platforms from Taobao!
Mine's the black one!

Do I look taller here?
Okay maybe cannot tell, but I'm still posting the photo.
*BIMBO.*

Pretty dress from F21!
The platforms looks amazing right!
*Ignore the hideous bruise one my leg!* >.<

It's amazingly comfy and I love it.
I'm extremely tempted to get more platforms from Taobao.
Makes me feel tall too! :D

Oh yes, FLB7 is finally up.
Booked a booth to share with Gisele and Riona.
I'm gonna sell all the clothes I bought and never wear them.
Let's hope there'll be girls who are interested in them.
Really need to clear my cupboard for more new clothes!
Can't wait for FLB7!
I hope I won't be spending more than I earn on that day!

AND, I AM STILL LOOKING FOR A JOB.
Srsly, finding a job is the such a tedious thing to do.
I am v lazy to find a job la k.
Can I be a tai tai when I grow up?

Oh no, I'm busy blogging until I totally forgot about the time.
I'm going to be late.
Meeting the girls @ 2!
TIME TO STUDY VAN.

DROWN MYSELF WITH THE THOUGHTS OF US.

2011-08-11T21:46:00.000+08:00

I feel my body crumbling into pieces now.
Sudden shivers down my spine.
I hate this.
Falling sick at the wrong time.
Throat's hurting like a bitch, fingers are freezing but my body's burning.
This sucks.

The last time I fell sick, you bought me herbal tea and lozenges.
You made sure I felt better. You were worried and cared for me.
That gesture from you, I missed that.
Sigh, sucks to be sick.

I'll fall into this "I-can't-help-it-but-feel-lousy" mode.
Then I'll start to think, a lot.
Thank goodness it's the last week of the Sem alrdy.
I don't wanna think anymore.

Made plans with the awesome classmates to go USS, again.
I wanna take the roller-coaster rides again and scream my lungs out.

I can't wait to have fun after this Semester's done.
Got the feel to club again, oh no.
Must club after exams are over.
So many upcoming events...
Shopping and MBS art gallery with my girls...
Zoo with the crazy gang...
USS with the class mates...
Class chalet...
After 22 & 23 I'll be a free bird.

Sighhhh, I feel so lifeless...
I need a hug.
Where are you when I needed you?
Guess you were never rlly here.

I GUESSED IT HURT A LOT MORE THAN THIS.

2011-08-10T02:01:00.003+08:00

Who is behind this smile?
Why am I hiding?

This last week, I'm going to bring that smile to sch.
Smiles are what everyone wish to see.
I'm pretty good at hiding behind this smile.
We all put up a smile, we put up this mask, we just hide away from all the monsters we face everyday.
Hiding was never my option, but now, that's the only thing I do best.
I'd say, running away will be the next thing.

What have I become with these fake smiles?
Wipe them away for me, will you?

There are monsters who act like people, and people who act like monsters.
So, who are you?

WIPE AWAY MY FAKE SMILES.

2011-08-06T23:49:00.001+08:00

I miss my girls!
Can we go hang out at the Rooftop Bar someday?
Just the few of us.

PEL proj meeting over at my place today.
We managed to complete quite a bit, that makes me very happy cause, it's the last proj for the sem! :)
Ytd's MT presentation went well.
Oh, except for the fact that I was so embarrassed cause the NGs scenes were practically me, making a fool of myself.
Guess everyone enjoyed the candid side of Van?

I miss my girls alrdy, though I just met them last week.
Need to meet up with them again.
If they have time for me...
Exams, tests, submissions.
Oh how we love sch...

Mum's still at Taiwan.
I miss her quite a bit.
Can't wait for her to come back next Sunday! :)

***

I don't think abt you that much any more.
Such a good sign.
Scars of your love will always be lingering around.
But I'm getting used to not thinking abt you, not talking to you.
Used to it.
That's just pure good news.

Have fun before it's too late...
I'm going to do the wildest thing ever in my life.
And turn back someday, not regretting any move.
Hope you'll have fun too.

BETTER OFF WITHOUT YOU.

2011-08-05T00:11:00.001+08:00

Promised you I'll carry this smile no matter what.
I'm not going to break that promise.

I remember telling Yehua about how lousy I felt after the night I revisited those wounds, which practically killed me over and over again.
He told me to delete those msgs. All of them.
But I told him, "I can't bear to do it. Can you do it for me instead?"
And unknowingly, he really took my phone and deleted all the msgs.
All of them, not even a single one was left.
Only realized it today when I was meddling with my phone and trying to find someone else's msg.
Surprisingly, despite feeling lost for a while, I'm kinda glad Yehua helped me with this one.

I felt a sign of relief.

It's like whenever I'm feel lonely, reading those msgs helps me get that feeling back.
But also it killed me a million times.
"We" can never be like before, but those msgs let me have something to fall back on.
It's like I'm running away from it.
Running away from this fact.
I told myself I can't do that. It's just wrong.
Now, I can take one step forward.
No more msgs for me to read.
Moving on is what I'm supposed to do.
And I'm going to do it right.

I hope you'll find someone who shares the same thought as you, just like how I did.
I hope you'll find someone whom you'll shower you attention on.
I hope you'll find someone who'll make you feel happy, and not weird.
I hope you'll find someone who'll love you for you, just like how I did.

Now, for me to move on completely.
You're just a phase.
Once I'm through with it, I'll be good.
Better than before.

To love and to be loved.
That's the greatest gift of life.

HE'S GOT MORE SWAGGER THAN YOU.

2011-08-01T21:21:00.001+08:00

Lovely girls, lovely company.

Forget about the previous post.
Wasn't quite on the right mind.
But blogging it out made me feel better.

Met up with my favorite girls on Saturday.
OM @ Ann Siang for quite a while
I got my knitted cardigan, like finally.
It's so comfy and snuggly~~~
Can't wait for my platforms to arrive.
Then I can have nice shoes!
That reminds me, I haven't wear my Aldo platform wedge out yet.
Stunning wedge, one buy that I nv regret...

This week will be a rather relaxed week.
I'm going to give myself sometime to relax, then get ready for next week's workload.
3 tests next week, OS, ECONS & PEL.
All killer modules, I must start studying alrdy...

Ah Di is showing the last epi today.
Despite thinking it's a ridiculous drama, I'm still watching it. :X

***

Fake smiles are not healthy Van.
Not healthy...

PRISONERS OF LOVE.

2011-08-01T00:31:00.001+08:00

This smile, was your creation.
You took it along when you left.

Silly me went to revisit those wounds again.
I told myself to move on, but I went back and read those msgs we had.
It's like each word you said, each "I love you." you told me, you made me fall for you deeper and deeper.

Fell into this hole that was initially a pretty sight with bright lights.
Until you left and took the lights with you.
Now, I'm left alone in this deep dark hole.
Almost impossible for me to climb back out.

You said whatever that may happen, even God will have to go through you to get me.
Silly me fell for that, well, it was one of the sweetest thing anyone ever said to me.
These words used to make me feel like the happiest girl in the world.
But now, to revisit them, it killed me a million times, over and over again.
All these weeks, I've never dared to open those msgs to read them.
I've never dared to even hit the delete button since that day.
Each msg that came after that day, I read them with fear.
Well, I still had you on my speed dial, thinking that you still can be the first person to call if anything happens.
I've been running away from this fact, that you've disappeared from my life, and never to return.

I've told you once, and I thought once was enough.
"Please don't ever leave me alone because I'm done with being alone."
You said to me, "I'll stay with you until the end. I will never leave you."

Why?
Why did you have to do that?
I know I shouldn't be bound here.
I haven't been moving on.
I'm just stuck here.
Because it hurts too much. Way too much.

Who can ever bring so much happiness, and so much pain in my life?

I see your smile, but I'm no longer the reason behind that smile.
I lost faith in myself.

If I'll do it all over again, it'll still be you.
Boy, "I love you."

THE SCARS OF YOUR LOVE.

2011-07-30T13:41:00.002+08:00

Is this working?
Trying to change my blogskin cause it starting to look boring.
But my posts are all messed up. :(